Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in golrizjoon's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 27th, 2008
1:47 pm	the news In more depressing news, I found the most perfect leather jacket in BCBG yesterday, but the fur trimming was raccoon fur and I don't buy fur from animals we dont eat (fox, raccoon, ...). It was very upsetting! In other news, I was reading the headlines about the week that passed and next to the Israeli attack of Gaza was Robert Pattinson's haircut. I am obsessed, I admit, but really! No seriously? What has the world come to? Even the CNN headlines channel is talking about the post holiday shopping and NOT the attack. This is absurd ! Beyond absurd! Uhh, what kind of a world do we live in? Current Mood: discontent (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 11th, 2008
5:15 pm	Embarrassed!!! :"> I am so fucking embarrassed I can't even share this with my friends, so if you are a friend of mine, close your eyes and kindly move on. Not only have I been completely and utterly infatuated with the Twilight Saga (and I didn't really like the Movie, save for the thing I am about to say), I have been shamelessly drooling after the male lead Robert Pattinson, who is probably way younger than me. What is happening to me????!!!!! I am supposed to be eyeing Allesandro Nesta, Michale Owen, and people who are closer to my age group (and retired from professional sports, although I don’t know if Owen is, Damn ESPN) and who have never played a 17 year old vampire in a totally teen-obsessed movie I was dragged into against my will and better judgment (no really, I was!). Although, I have to say that I found him quite adorable as Cedric Diggory in Goblet of Fire. I even remember having extensive talks about who will play the dashing Cedric with the interns before the movie came out. Well, I supposed I have done this before, so much for the shock and aw. But that was Harry Potter! I waited in line to buy the books and suffered depression when people died in it. And I certainly did not drool after anyone in the movies (ok, ok, I do fancy Alan Rickman for completely unrelated reasons). Plus, I know older people who read Harry Potter, but even my younger sister is making fun of me for my weird, unexpected obsession with this vampire tale. And the guy is just so cute. I guess I do have a thing for younger guys, they do live longer. ;) Current Mood: embarrassed (Comment on this)
Monday, June 16th, 2008
11:37 pm	Strangeland Not alone, in a cave, a horizontal opening in the rocks. I was holding a flash light but there was a strange yellowish light about the place. The ceiling was low. We were looking for a lost friend. And then I saw it, indentations in the ground. It was the shape of human figures. I remember three of them, there may have been more. There were arrows connecting writings etched on the ground to places where different body parts would have been. The writings were in english but I couldn't read them, I couldn't understand them. On the middle figure, there was a large sign that pointed at a dark stain on the ground, about where the throat should have been. The sign said "here lies the one who gave me voice." Was that blood? On the right hand figure, the large sign pointed to where the rib cage would have been and said "here lies the one who gave me a heart." The stain was much larger on this one. I look at the figure on the left, but I can't read what that sign says. I try really hard, still cant read it. I know, just know she was the figure in the middle. the figure is tall and slender like her. I imagine her lying there, helpless. I cant bear it. I know she is alive, just know it. Now I think at some point I managed to read all the signs but I cant seem to remember what they said no matter how hard I try. Next thing I remember, I was in another cave, a vertical opening in the rocks, the opening went up to the sky forever, kind of like a narrow opening between two rocks. She was with me, shivering. Was it from cold? Fear? Both? I'm not sure. She just looked at me, pleading with her eyes, never said a word. I guess she couldn't since she had given her voice to another. It reminded me of Raven who had given her voice to the goddess, but I knew it was not as romantic in this case as it was with Raven. I didn't want to imagine what might have happened to her. But then I noticed him behind us. I turned around as he was loading his gun. I started pleading, tried to protect her behind me. That is the last thing I saw. Why do I have such weird dreams??? (Comment on this)
Friday, September 14th, 2007
3:07 pm	In Love If one asks of me his praise                             What can a lover say of the one with no form? Lovers [gladly] die for the beloved                             And the dead do not have a voice. You transcend reflection, deduction, supposition and imagination                                                                Of all we that has been said, heard and read The session is over, the life is at end                                                                We have only begun describing thee (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 30th, 2007
11:30 pm	Memory My earliest memory of childhood is looking at my reflection in the mirror. I remember what I was wearing; the green checkered dress with the cute buttons and the frilly yellow gigham undershirt. I have a picture with it too. It could be a false memory but I don't think so. I remember how it felt to be there. I remember thinking if there is someone on the other side of the mirror watching me. I remember the cooings of the doves in the cool early morning hours. I think I was 3. Though I remember when Shahrzad was brought home from the hospital. And the insicion mark on my mom's lower belly. And that was when I was 31 months old. So I guess that would be the earliest memory. But I remember the feel of that day, the smell, the touch of wind. I have so many memories of looking at my reflection. Maybe our house had too many mirrors. It's a strange thing but I've always seen myself different than how others see me. I don't think I look like me in my pictures, even though people say I am photogenic, which i think is a lie. It makes me wonder, do I see people I love differently than other see them as well? (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 11th, 2007
4:13 pm	Horoscope Today, August 11th 2007, my horoscope says: Your love life is about to take a positive turn, thanks to your overwhelmingly good energy. Whether you're currently single, happily partnered or on the rocks, expect a positive change today. Hmm, we shall see about that. :) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 21st, 2007
1:32 am	Happy Persian New Year Noruz Mobarak, long live the pig (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
10:48 pm	QUIZ NIGHT! WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! well, not exactly, but we did come third and won 50 bucks. How awsome is that? apprently our new team name is lucky. We used to be called the Ethnic Cleansers (our stab at Genocide humor) but now we are the Cum Saliva Cocktail (our stab at vulgarity). Vulgar names are popular and encouraged at the pubb where the quiz nights are and they are usually tied to the politics of the day. the week Anna Nicole died one of the teams name was "would another Anna Nicole Joke be beating a dead whore?" and last week a team was called "i was going to say something about Clint Eastwood but I couldn't read the teleprompt." this week, as expected, a good 5-6 teams names were about Scooter libby. One team name was "Scooter libby: soon to be serving another dick," another was "Scooter libby, would you like some nuts with your tossed salad?" and two teams back to back were, "Scooter libby says I don't leak" and "Scooter libby's cell mate says you will once I am done with you." The laugh was just the cherry on top of the cake. The only way to go from here is up! Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Monday, March 5th, 2007
12:25 pm	The big brother is watching (Comment on this)
11:22 am	To be! Your being is the necessity,         so be! Speak not of the journey,     'tis absurd!   Without you,                      The window [of my heart] becomes dull With you,    My song is always clear   Futile, is the vain effort of packing.          Leaving [me] is a dream!   If you are no more,       who will sooth my tired limb!   Your story,       is what I write. Say not,  "It's destiny!"   Being without you,       is the height of spite, [It's me] stranded behind the pearly gates.   Unwrap,   the traveling cloak, [For you are] the confident of my dreams.   Dress me in love,     tenderly. As you do, every night. Current Mood: thoughtful (Comment on this)
Monday, February 5th, 2007
3:55 pm	No subject necessary I posted a note a while back and once I reread it, I thought it was too dark, so I made it friends only (which in lights of the fact that I have no friends here, it's my way of making it restricted.) I am now making parts of it public, I feel like as my life (and most other women's life) has a period, I once again have come full circle, to sin(270) :). I read it today and realized how similar I feel now. My dad is not feeling well. What if I never see him again! I am not depressed or suicidal or upset in anyway, shape or form. I just don't have a reason to live. Or better said I have become more curious about what actual transformation, be it chemical, spiritual, electrical or physical takes place once I die than what might happen if I were to continue living. Maybe that means I am depressed, I don't know. But when I say I'm not depressed I mean to say that most of the time, I am in a state others call happy and I call "natural state of being". I am not hopeful though and yet I think I should be. So I am forcing myself to study as to prevent regretting not doing it in a few months. In a way, I am trying to do damage control. It is so hopeless. I'm probably not going to do anything about my state of being now, but I cannot promise that. All I know is, when I look around, there is very little that will make me think I would like to live to see this happen. This has been how I have been for almost ever. During the war in Iran, I put myself in the mindset that I might die any moment and that I should not fear death. I don't think I do fear it or particularly care about it. I always thought if I manage to do what I've always wanted to do, then this problem of being hopeless would be solved because I'd have my ideals to live for. But Ideals die and bubbles burst (and it does hurt when they do). And even though Sanam said that one can always make new bubbles and blow them in the wind, I think I am tired of making new bubbles. I have seen enough of the world to know, it's not that great definitely not worth the pain of making more bubbles. And there is no hope for remedy. I always relate to that day last year when I was introduced to the nonsense that is called International Human Rights Law and think in a way it changed my life. It wasn't that big of a deal and didn't have the largest impact on me that I could show or point out. It somehow managed to kill every last shred of hope I had of emancipation (I like this word, even if it doesn't fit that well). In simpler terms, it proved to me that there is no remedy. I don't feel like explaining it, because in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what I think. A bunch of bright lawyers thought it out and it sounds fabulous to them, who gives a shit that it's not practical and reachable for those who will probably need it most. It is so pointless / hopeless / bleak. Besides, I always thought in the field of human rights people will at least practice what they preach. Now I am convince they don't. People are the same everywhere and even if they do care, they are not entirely capable of letting go of the self and coalescing themselves in the goal. It is like, as far as I have known or seen, something is worth working for / on if it furthers the activist's agenda, NOT because it helps more people, or is more humanitarian, or is simply the right thing to do. If Avicenna was right and there is an internal force binding life to the body that once given up on and let go of, a person will die in spite of being healthy and well, then it has a potential of working on me! So I shall wait. P.S: It's been a few months that every time I see a child I feel like I want to have one of my own. I am well aware of the fact that I am in no shape to raise a child and would definitely not be able to do it by myself. Furthermore, I don't consciously want it; I subconsciously desire it and keep thinking that I should just get pregnant. But I know, I am positive of it, that in ten years when I am ready financially and otherwise to have a child, I will biologically and subconsciously no longer desire it. I just know this. And with this whole death thing, I know when the time comes to die; I will be too tied in different affairs to comfortably want to go. Furthermore, I like to be in charge of what happens in / with my life. If death comes when I don't expect it, it constitutes losing control. I will not be satisfied with that! Further proof that timing is everything. Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
12:08 am	MEN I used to always worry about getting married, and no I am not worried I won't find a husband. I was worried I wouldn't be able to coexist peacefully with a man, occupying the same space. Recently I've been thinking the contrary, that I'd not mind living with someone like a boyfriend. Ofcourse, not in the practically married way, with common dogs and cats and shared bank account and stuff, coz that's just crazy. I have just been thinking that I'd be nice to have someone around. Specially that not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night because someone was gently touching me and then, as I hopelessly tried to fight my way out, powerful hands dragged me playfully across the bed. I thought I'd like more of this, as often as I can. It's fun to be out powered sometimes. SO often it happens to me that I am the strongest (or the one most willing to exert the effort), the most motivated to do the physically challenging task and the one who thinks she can do it, and not the guy or guys present. This is sad coz I'm not particularly strong or active. I guess I was just raised in a household where, right or wrong, men were always expected to do the extraneous works (and garden work as my mom wanted nothing to do with it) and women the delicate, time consuming ones. But I was also raised with the mentality that if anyone can do it, that's me! (this is particularly true of me in my family since as a toddler I gave my parents reasons for them to be convinced that I was a child prodigy! Oh and believe me, the reason must have been convincing as both my parents are very brilliant accomplished people.) Anyhow going back to the topic, when I was on vacation, one of my friends, Jared, came to visit for a few days. It was only then, that I realized why I cannot live with another person unless serious love, and by that a strong spirit of sacrifice, is involved. I mean men can be so ridiculous. They argue the dumbest points. If I ask for something to be done a certain way, unless it seriously troubles the person I am asking it from, no reason needs to be provided. example: my room mate got a flu shot, I told him that i do not want him to come near me since I was afraid of catching it (Vaccines are usually weakened bacterias and Viri that are introduced to the human defense mechanism in hopes that an antibody would be made and thereby the body become immune to that strain of bacteria, hence why every season a new flu shot comes out. Often the person who is vaccinated comes down with a very mild version of it, sometimes without noticing, that can be passed on to others.) He argued for an hour about how the new flue shots are different than the old ones since these are killed Virus (I was under  the impression that Virus is a non living organism and cannot be killed so this explanation didn't go over too well with me!) and so cannot be passed on to others. Fine! just don't come close to me. Why was an argument necessary. Or I was helping my friend move (which was an eye opening experience on it's own, if I never get married, this experience will be cited as the reason) and her husband placed a stack of frames on a set of decorative mirrors she treasures so much the only method of delivery acceptable for them was to walk with them in hand to the new home (about 150 feet away). And when she  objected to it, instead of putting them somewhere else, he just said she's being ridiculous. I mean honestly, no explanation is necessary. Just listen. It's so much easier on everyone! Also, men can be so dirty. I often feel like I am the mother which is terrible if you are sexually involved with the person you live with, I mean no one wants to sleep with his mom (lets hope!) Furthermore, it seems hard to convice a guy that eventhough you were interested in them once, you no longer are! I am thus disappointed. Maybe someday I change my mind, but it doesn't seem likely. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 30th, 2006
4:28 am	Dustbin of history on eid al-adha So now, Saddam has truely been added to the dustbin of history. I do have mixed feelings on this issue and rather not discuss personal feelings. The country of Iran can always take it's claim against the country of Iraq to ICC, I'm no longer worried about that. I am worried about accountability for the kurds and thousands of other things and why should someone, strongly hated by most and worshiped by some, be executed (read martyred) on Eid Al-Adha!!!??? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
2:39 am	12/23 - 12/24 (this is not supposed to make sense!) The wedding was Awsome. Raheleh looked beautiful. I always thought she was very exotic. I had fun till about noon of the next day ... when I got  a headache and spent the rest of the day on the couch, napping and watching animal planet (couldn't find CNN on COX channel setting, on COMCAST it's channel 62). I wish 24th would never come. I take back what I said last time. I'll get my period soon. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
12:44 am	The Unbearable Lightness of Being (for the rest of you) This explains a lot, So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil? Do you think you can tell? And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, Running over the same old ground. What have we found? The same old fears. Wish you were here. and this one is not bad either, Surely whoever speaks to me in the right voice Him or her I shall follow As the water follows the moon Silently With fluid steps Around the globe I hear your voice (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
11:34 pm	<table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td><img src="http://images.quizfarm.com/1139014837lightningeyes.jpg"></td><td> You scored as <b>Passion</b>. You are very passionate whether that passion is good or evil has yet to be determined. You have great power over others and they seem to flock to your service. You are very <a href="http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=ivoryrayn">competative </a>almost to a fault. Perhaps you should let someone else win for a change?<br><br><table border='0' width='300' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Passion</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='83' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>83%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Mysterious</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='75' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>75%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Diamond Eyes</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='58' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>58%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Eyes full of Pain</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='50' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>50%</font></td></tr></td></tr></table><br><a href='http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=144273'>What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)</a><br><font face='Arial' size='1'>created with <a href='http://quizfarm.com'>QuizFarm.com</a></font></table> (Comment on this)
Friday, October 13th, 2006
3:36 pm	hmmm... green is not my favorite color <table border='0' cellpadding='5' cellspacing='0' width='600'><tr><td><img src="http://images.quizfarm.com/1123879662DSC06391l.jpg"></td><td> You scored as <b>Green Gown</b>. <br><br><table border='0' width='300' cellspacing='0' cellpadding='0'><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Green Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='100' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>100%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Red Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='87' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>87%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Aqua Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='87' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>87%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Yellow Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='73' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>73%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>White Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='67' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>67%</font></td></tr><tr><td><p><font face='Arial' size='1'>Pink Gown</font></p></td><td><table border='1' cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' width='67' bgcolor='#dddddd'><tr><td></td></tr></table></td><td><font face='Arial' size='1'>67%</font></td></tr></td></tr></table><br><a href='http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=63155'>Which BEAUTIFUL Prom dress is right for you? *with pics*</a><br><font face='Arial' size='1'>created with <a href='http://quizfarm.com'>QuizFarm.com</a></font></table> (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 28th, 2006
9:56 pm	I'm hurt I don't like feeling like I was being used. I don't kow why I keep feeling this way. I'm beginning to think it was a bad idea, particularly considering what might be happening to me soon. It's not like it was as good as it has always been. I don't know what to do. I'm really upset. :'( (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
5:54 pm	I gotta go I have so many different email accounts / journals / weblogs I can't remember which password goes with what. Oh and did you know P.S: I have been needing to pee for 2 hours now, hence the title. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
4:37 pm	I reserve the right But I don't live in a glass house, my house is made of stones. So I will throw stones. In fact, I'll go as far to say "I throw stones therefore I am." Let that be a warning to all of you. Current Mood: & bleeding (Comment on this)